Katy Perry's tit tape is under pressure

Large breasts, small dress

Gentleman, join us on a journey into the Land of Make Believe. It’s an exciting nation where all men are created equal, all women look like Katy Perry and all split, off-the-shoulder purple dresses can sing.

Must. Not. Write. Caption. About. Perfume. Looking. Like. A. Vibrator

But what, you cry? What can they sing? Well, they sing one song and one song alone. Namely: Under Pressure by Queen. You know the one. “Mm ba ba de. Um bum ba de. Um bu bu bum da de. Pressure pushing down on me…”

Are you shaking your hips and clapping your hands right now? Us too, but back to the point we’re trying to make via this bizarre ramble. Top-selling pop singer Katy Perry has large breasts. Large breasts that yesterday decided to leave their Mexico City hotel room without putting their bra on, and hence spent the entire afternoon ‘pushing down’ on their split, off-the-shoulder purple prison.

"What do you mean it looks like a sex toy?"

It was a potentially dangerous situation, but fortunately Warden Tit Tape was on duty to successfully ensure that any escape attempts were foiled. And yes, we do mean fortunately. Why? Because scientists recently revealed that if Katy’s breasts did escape no fewer than 73.67% of the world’s male population would suffer a cardiac arrest and die.

Okay, we made that up. But you can’t deny that Katy’s boobs are more potent than the perfume she was using them to promote. We mean, today alone, we’ve written two stories about them. Let’s hope we don’t pen a third. Why? Because if she does score a hat-trick, she gets to keep the website.